Seeing a picture of a girl from college

Today I was cruising Facebook looking at friends' posts and generally wasting time when I landed on the picture of a girl from college. She was a couple of years ahead of me and I don't remember ever talking to her more than once and that was in the cafeteria. I doubt she ever even knew my name. But, I always had a crush on her.

Now, 35 years later, I see her picture and the truth be told, I probably still have a bit of a crush on her. Oh, she's married and has raised a house full of kids, probably an empty-nester by now. She has a nice looking husband and I'm sure a nice suburban home. Still, I find it a bit haunting. Our college had more than its share of beauties. Lots of raving beauties. Knock outs. Double-take kind of girls. But this girl had a quiet beauty. The sweet kind. Not sweet as in sicky-sweet. Sweet as in the kind you'd enjoy sitting down and sharing your heart with while looking into clear gray-blue eyes. In college, she wore her blonde hair straight but not really long. Shoulder length. And now I find she still does. It has a bit of curl at the ends, but it's still fairly straight and shoulder length. Back in school, she had lots of cool friends. Many of them mutual friends. But she was never in the forefront of the action. Like I said, she was quiet. And with those pretty eyes, I took that as deep.

OK, confession time. I looked at her Facebook pictures, trying to imagine what her world is like now. Like a lot of folks from school, she has a pretty home with pretty kids and pretty smiles. She has a successful looking husband. Not a big, toothy grin like me but one of those solid citizen type guys. You know, the kind who has it all together.

Then I look at my life. I had a nice home once. Two, actually. One of them I designed and built... and it was fantastic. But, it never was a home. Now, I life in the same bedroom I moved into when I was 8. Trying to imagine myself in that world of nice home, nice wife, nice life seems about as attainable as walking to California. Not going to happen.

But, at this point, I'm actually free to create whatever type life I want. I'm single. Debt free. I can make a living and I have lots of passions in life. Most of them involve helping people. This chapter of my life where I've been pretty much locked to El Dorado taking care of Mother is about over. I don't know if she'll be gone in days or weeks but I don't see her alive months from now. This time has been tough but wonderful.

Now, it's about over. What's next? In my imagination, I can't really come up with anything appealing enough to move forward on it. I could do this. Or that. Or something else. Faith tells me that God has a plan for my life, creatively using all of the things that make my life unique. All of my gifts. All of my experiences (both good and bad). All of my passions and yes, all of my dreams.

I take seriously Psalm 37:4 Today, I took a long look at the verse right before it. "Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness." This gives me a hint what it takes to delight in Him. Trusting... that implies a relationship. Doing good... being His hands and feet to everyone. Dwelling... that sounds like living a settled and stable life. Cultivating... sounds intentional. Sounds like a pretty nice life. OH, forgot to mention the actual favorite verse: 37:4- "Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart." Living a life described above seems to me like a person who would be desiring wholesome and solid stuff. Not shallow (read: bling) or fleeting (read: momentary pleasure) but good and pure and rich in depth.