Edwin Edwards, Fidel Castro and me

Note: I wrote this back in 2011, I think. It has been collecting dust in the "Drafts" file. I decided to polish it up a bit and hit the "Publish" button. 

It seems everyone jokes about the corrupt nature of Louisiana politics. And who gets named more than former Governor Edwin Edwards? No question, he was a crooked politician. Some would say "crooked politician" is a redundancy. Well, that's a gross generalization and not always true.

Living in north Louisiana, the Baton Rouge crowd of political leaders were only names and images seen on the news or in the paper. They weren't real people to me. But, one of my friends down in Baton Rouge has shown me a different perspective. She agrees that so many of them are corrupt now but she and her family have known a lot of these guys when they were starting out. And they were nice guys.

She says they didn't start out bad. But that bad crept up on them.

I also read an article about the sister of Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. She said he wasn't so bad at first. His initial intention was to help, not to become some brutal ruler. But, in order to remain in power he had to get lined up with the communists. That's when the brutality really came on strong.

Although I was never a fan of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, I have a feeling they started out wanting to share the Gospel with people. Making gazillions of dollars and living a truly rude lifestyle (including gold plated bathroom fixtures and an air conditioned dog house) wasn't part of their life plan when the young couple was in college. They were probably doing revivals and retreats, ministering wherever they could. But, they got bigger and bigger and somewhere along the way, they got off track. Way off track... but I contend with at least a sliver of good intentions still hanging on.

The same could probably be said of Jimmy Swaggart, Larry Lea and a host of other preachers who grew a bit big for their britches. Bob Tilton? I don't know. I get the feeling he's always been a crook. But, that's just my opinion.

Standing on the outside looking in, I get the feeling these people of power (political or religious) probably started out heading in the right direction. But somewhere along the way, all that power and prestige took over. And decadence crept in.

I'm no gardener, but it's like they kept growing their garden bigger and bigger. And while they were busy expanding their territory, they didn't notice the weeds starting to grow. Before long they were growing more weeds than crops. No longer did they have anything good like fruit and vegetables.

So, was all that growth worth it?

In looking at these public figures, I have a feeling they became surrounded by people wanting to ride the wave of their notoriety for a slice of fame as well. And the adrenalin rush of power closed their ears to reason. Pride is a tough act to follow.

Does that mean we can't grow our business, career, ministry or life big time? Not at all. It's just a tougher gig. The bigger you get, the harder it is to juggle all those balls in the air. Through a series of hard times, I've found out rather painfully that I have a limit on how many things I can juggle at the same time. But, that doesn't mean you can't juggle a load more than me.

I look at stories about Christian teacher and author Joyce Meyer. The St. Louis Post Dispatch did a scathing series of articles on the lavish lifestyle and general lack of accountability by those closest to Joyce. If half of what they wrote was true, the ministry had big problems in the wisdom department. And what happened? From what I can gather, Joyce and her family realized they were screwing up. In all the bright lights of big time conferences and book sales, they had allowed themselves to get off track. They cleaned up their act and Ive heard they brought in some accountability into their program.

And they got back to the business of preaching and teaching and helping people. Sounds like a plan to me.

I've heard Benny Hinn has done somewhat the same. Frankly, I haven't heard anything out of him in a while. No problem there, his hair always gave me the creeps. And I'll go ahead and say it... I didn't like his style. We may be brothers in the Lord, but his shows repulsed me.

From what I've read about Billy Graham, he always surrounded himself with people of integrity with the purpose of holding him accountable for his actions. He invited godly perspective to keep him in line. I've heard he wouldn't even be in an elevator alone with a woman. Nor would he be seen having dinner with a woman who wasn't his wife or immediate family. He set a course and didn't stray.

I see one word making the difference: accountability. We need an outside set of eyes to look at our lives and our business operations. Not as a judge or control but as a healthy mirror. It's easy to cheat on our diets when you see all that candy at the checkout counter. But, knowing you've asked someone to check out your receipts for items not on your diet can be a healthy motivation to resist the temptation.

In ministry, they have an organization called ECFA- the Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability. Members invite independent auditors to come in and look at their books to make sure they aren't getting off track. Sometime go to www.ecfa.org and look for your favorite big time ministries. Looking over the member list, I'm not surprised by many I see. Dallas Theological Seminary, Billy Graham, Luis Palau and others. But, I'm often surprised when I can't find folks on there. Do they have something to hide?

Even those of us who are not in the limelight can learn from these high profile blunders. But accountability is easier said than done. Thanks to Promisekeepers, a lot of men started accountability groups where they were challenged to get gut level honest with each other in hopes of keeping each other on the right path. I've heard some great testimonies out of accountability groups. But, I've also experienced a bunch that never got any deeper than dinner party conversation. I know it takes time but I think it also takes something most men don't have... a willingness to be seen as stupid from time to time. Or evil. Or sneaky. Our we don't want anyone to know about our secret sin(s).

Without full disclosure, there can't be real accountability. You can't have two sets of books. But you can't be afraid of showing your good sides and your bad sides as a person. It's tough. But I think it's worth it.

I think an attitude of grace is needed. My ex-wife was of the attitude that you were either all good or all bad. I started out all good. And, in time I shifted over to the "all bad" designation. I don't agree. I contend that we're a mix of good and bad. We're in the process of being renewed and some days we do better than others.

When I was a new Christian back in '72, I attended a Campus Crusade event up at the University of Arkansas campus. They compared our hearts to a South Pacific island during WWII. The Marines landed and established a beachhead. They would advance from there. Some days they gained territory. Some days they lost. But they never lost that beachhead. That's the way it is for us who have invited Jesus to be Lord. The Holy Spirit comes to live inside our hearts and He won't leave. But, we have a choice as to how much of our hearts goes to Him and how much is still controlled by ourselves or by the enemy.

An attitude of grace and accountability understands that we WILL drop the ball along the way. The point is to learn from yesterday's mistakes and keep moving on. After sneaking that one candy bar, don't end up parked in front of the candy aisle at Wal-Mart. Learn and move on.

Grace and accountability. They are partners I want in my life.

Skipping church, again

I'm sitting at home, again. It's a Sunday morning and I confess that I didn't even try to get up and go to church... again. I've almost given up on getting plugged in. On one hand, I want to. I know it is what I'm called to do as a Christian but I just don't have it within me right now.

My plans were, and still are, to do a lot of cleaning here at the house. Good plans, worthy plans and plans that so far I have avoided. I've stayed in bed and loved on my dogs some. I've surfed the 'net some. And I've listened to some Youtube music. Basically, I've done nothing.

I've been thinking a lot about my life lately. Where I am, where I've been and where I'm going. What I have and what I may want to have in the future. And what I probably will never have. For me, it is less about stuff and more about relationships. I see friends who do stuff with friends. That seems elusive. I see friends with families enjoying traditions. I never had that. I see friends inviting people into their homes. Nope. Can't see it.

Why not? What happened along the way to cause me to be in this place today? In so many ways, I've become that part of Mother that I detested growing up.

The house is a real bother. Granted, I came into a home cluttered with Mother's stuff and Gene's stuff. And now it has my stuff. I feel like what I have a feeling Mother felt like all those years... overwhelmed by the mountain of cleaning and sorting that needed to be done. Where do I start? Where do I find the energy? It seems out of reach, just beyond my grasp.

Meanwhile, I've been again feeling like I want to process information but just can't get into it. I can read the first two paragraphs but never get into the full story. Like I've said before, it's like reading a book through wax paper. I can see the words. They just aren't clear enough to tell what they mean. This is especially true on my technical projects.

I also feel like life is a swimming pool and I'm standing on the side wanting to jump in but just can't actually do it. I may walk down a step or two, wetting my feet and ankles but not going in over my knees. I've experienced life before where I dived in and got my head wet. I used to be a pretty good swimmer. But now, about all I can handle is sitting on the side of the pool, dangling my feet in the water. I'm tired of it but I don't feel enough fight left to even think of changing.

And I find that sad. I truly feel I have lots to offer. But a whole truckload of “why bother” keeps me on the sideline.

Yesterday, it hit me that Mother may not have used the house clutter as a defense mechanism, insulating her from deep relationships. That was always my thought. Then, I looked at my own life. I enjoy people. Granted, I don't like crowds much any more. And I hate social settings where we're to mingle and chat. But, I love interacting with people. But when I go home, I'm worn out. It's not that I don't want people in my life, it's that I simply don't have any energy left to do anything more than the minimum.

I can see now how Mother had enough energy to go to Scotty's drug store, LaBella's or Arby's to see people, but that was all. When she got home, she was spent. Out of energy. She retreated into her messy little world in hopes of recharging her batteries. Instead, the messy house just served to drain them even more. Yes, she longed to have a nice and tidy house, but that was beyond just elusive. It wasn't even something she could dream about. It was downright unrealistic. Because that's how I feel a lot of the time.

NOTE: After writing this, I read the Word some. Prayed a little. Then I got up, did some laundry, washed some dishes and mopped the kitchen and bathroom floors. Twice (they needed it!). Now, I'm cleaning up in other rooms. I'm making progress.

Seeing a picture of a girl from college

Today I was cruising Facebook looking at friends' posts and generally wasting time when I landed on the picture of a girl from college. She was a couple of years ahead of me and I don't remember ever talking to her more than once and that was in the cafeteria. I doubt she ever even knew my name. But, I always had a crush on her.

Now, 35 years later, I see her picture and the truth be told, I probably still have a bit of a crush on her. Oh, she's married and has raised a house full of kids, probably an empty-nester by now. She has a nice looking husband and I'm sure a nice suburban home. Still, I find it a bit haunting. Our college had more than its share of beauties. Lots of raving beauties. Knock outs. Double-take kind of girls. But this girl had a quiet beauty. The sweet kind. Not sweet as in sicky-sweet. Sweet as in the kind you'd enjoy sitting down and sharing your heart with while looking into clear gray-blue eyes. In college, she wore her blonde hair straight but not really long. Shoulder length. And now I find she still does. It has a bit of curl at the ends, but it's still fairly straight and shoulder length. Back in school, she had lots of cool friends. Many of them mutual friends. But she was never in the forefront of the action. Like I said, she was quiet. And with those pretty eyes, I took that as deep.

OK, confession time. I looked at her Facebook pictures, trying to imagine what her world is like now. Like a lot of folks from school, she has a pretty home with pretty kids and pretty smiles. She has a successful looking husband. Not a big, toothy grin like me but one of those solid citizen type guys. You know, the kind who has it all together.

Then I look at my life. I had a nice home once. Two, actually. One of them I designed and built... and it was fantastic. But, it never was a home. Now, I life in the same bedroom I moved into when I was 8. Trying to imagine myself in that world of nice home, nice wife, nice life seems about as attainable as walking to California. Not going to happen.

But, at this point, I'm actually free to create whatever type life I want. I'm single. Debt free. I can make a living and I have lots of passions in life. Most of them involve helping people. This chapter of my life where I've been pretty much locked to El Dorado taking care of Mother is about over. I don't know if she'll be gone in days or weeks but I don't see her alive months from now. This time has been tough but wonderful.

Now, it's about over. What's next? In my imagination, I can't really come up with anything appealing enough to move forward on it. I could do this. Or that. Or something else. Faith tells me that God has a plan for my life, creatively using all of the things that make my life unique. All of my gifts. All of my experiences (both good and bad). All of my passions and yes, all of my dreams.

I take seriously Psalm 37:4 Today, I took a long look at the verse right before it. "Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness." This gives me a hint what it takes to delight in Him. Trusting... that implies a relationship. Doing good... being His hands and feet to everyone. Dwelling... that sounds like living a settled and stable life. Cultivating... sounds intentional. Sounds like a pretty nice life. OH, forgot to mention the actual favorite verse: 37:4- "Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart." Living a life described above seems to me like a person who would be desiring wholesome and solid stuff. Not shallow (read: bling) or fleeting (read: momentary pleasure) but good and pure and rich in depth.

Back from a long absence

I started this blog at the suggestion of lots of friends. And, I had great intentions on posting to it regularly. But, as with many of my plans, it looked good on paper. In reality, I'm slow to learn new things. I know, I know, I'm all about researching new green chemicals, cleaning processes, renewable energy and crop sustainability. But, when it comes to the computer, I'm a PHD computer user... Push Here Dummy. At first, I was accustomed to using Myspace for my writing. Then Facebook. I always intended to copy a lot of those blogs over here. But, that plan still sounds good on paper.

So, let me catch up on life these past three years or so. I had moved back to El Dorado in June of '09. Mother was sick and needed help. She got better for a while but routine X-rays in the spring of last year (2012), they found lung cancer. And with her other conditions (COPD, congestive heart failure and aortic stenosis), she wasn't even a candidate for a biopsy. Cat scans three months later revealed the tumors had been growing... alot. Mother's doctor said it was time to sign her up for hospice. He's a pretty conservative physician and I'm confident he felt she was within her last six months. And, it looked like he was right.

In August, her health really went downhill. Even her hospice nurse said it wouldn't be long now. A friend who is a hospice nurse told me that the numbers I was reporting concerning Mother's oxygen saturation levels and such indicated Mother would likely be gone in ten days, two weeks at the most. She went to the hospice center for five days as we were looking forward to my brother's first visit home in two years. I asked friends to pray she'd live long enough to see him. After those five days were up, it was clear she couldn't come home. Time to go to the nursing home.

I called Hudson and sure enough, they had an opening. Mother moved in September 8, I believe. For the first few weeks, it was touch and go. She couldn't even feed herself. Mother doesn't remember much about those first few weeks and that's probably a good thing.

But, as the weeks turned into a couple of months, Mother pulled out of having one foot in the grave. She got off of her oxygen and ditched the wheelchair for her walker. Then back to using her cane. She even got in trouble a few times for going down the hall without even her cane. Everyone was amazed. Mother and I had already grown closer than I ever thought possible. God had done a lot of healing, a lot of restoring. But those months where she was just barely hanging on while at the house and the months since then at the nursing home, Mother have grown closer than I ever imagined.

This summer, I noticed Mother starting to slip a bit. At that time, Gene was scheduled to be released from prison in December. I really didn't see her making it that long. No one did. But, just before the fourth of July, he was released! He took advantage of every opportunity to come home for a visit. Living just a hundred miles away in Texarkana, it was a reasonable distance. Not too far but far enough for him to build a new life over there. It seems that Mother's health started slipping even more.

I'll write more about these past few months but let me just say that Mother is still here... barely. Her attitude is great and the three of us (Mother, my brother and me) are closer than ever. Mother has lived long enough to see two brothers that were polite to each other but not really close become closer than ever before. While it's tough to see her slip, I'm really thankful for what has been our 15 months (so far) of bonus round. No regrets. Lots of thanks.

Never Too Late to Become A Good Dad

Sitting in the gym at Tucker Prison, I'm amazed at what I'm seeing just a few feet away. An inmate with shaved head is holding his eight week old grandchild in his tattooed arms... and smiling from ear to ear. Over the past few years of visiting my brother in prison, this other inmate has become casual friends with Mother and me. It doesn't take much to imagine him as one bad dude. But that was then.

If not for his ever preset smile, he'd be an intimidating guy. But, these days he's almost always smiling. He's not the guy who got sentenced to prison years ago. My brother and this friend are both involved in the Kairos ministry at the prison. While there are a lot of guys who go to various prison ministries, I get a sense that this guy is different. His smile isn't fake. It comes up from his toes. The change is real.

I once asked my brother what our friend was in for. "Let's just say he had anger issues" was the reply. But, that was then. This is now.

Our friend got married a year or so ago. Yes, he got married while in prison. His wife visits every weekend and his daughter comes fairly often as well. Showing off her newborn baby, they were all smiles- our friend, his wife, his daughter, his pre-school aged grand-daughter and the newest addition to the family... an eight week old sleeping beauty. I don't know when he'll get out but have a feeling he'll be quite a different daddy than when he went in.

That gets me thinking about my own father. While he was never sent to prison, he wasn't a perfect dad either. Mother and Dad never had a happy marriage. As he put it, "We had a pretty good marriage 'til Tuesday." They had just gotten married on Saturday. Years later, both of them admitted that even while on their honeymoon they realized they had made a mistake. Dad tried to make it work. Both of them did. But on the eve of their 19th anniversary, he couldn't take it anymore. He literally "ran away from home" at the age of 42.

Dad dropped the ball as a provider, husband, father and anything else. It took a few years but he rebuilt his life and worked hard to make up for lost time. No, he never asked to get back with Mother but he did try to make amends for walking out on her.

I've never been a dad but I have tasted my share of failure. I've been at that point where I didn't know how I'd ever recover from the low places. But I have learned that as long as there is breath in a chest, there really is hope for change. It won't come overnight, but it can come. Just get ready for slow progress. And lots of time on your knees.

"And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them."

I was reading in the book of Mark this morning, chapter ten in particular, and ran across verse 13. The disciples were keeping the little kids away from Jesus and he busted them on it. Instead of telling the little children to go off and play somewhere else, Jesus took them in His arms. And he loved them.

I look at verse 16, "And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them." At first, I imagined Jesus doing some sort of official "laying on of hands" type thing. You know... one at a time, touching their heads, praying intently- like you see at special services at church. I couldn't see Him doing a slam-bam Benny Hinn style but it was still a formal "laying on of hands".

But was it?

Instead, I let my mind imagine the Jesus of compassion I know, the Jesus who loves purely and unconditionally. And the Jesus who wants kids to be kids. I have a feeling this verse may be describing Jesus just loving on these kids, inviting them to crawl all over Him, and holding them close.

His "laying on of hands" may have been more a cuddle than a ceremony. I can easily imagine Him as a snuggler, holding kids close to His chest. What could bring peace to a kid faster than to be held, to experience the warmth of His embrace and to feel His running fingers through their hair? To lay their head on His chest and hear His heartbeat, soothing and never stopping. Boy, that paints a picture of peace to me!

I can imagine His hand on their backs as they tried to tell Him about something in their lives. I remember being a kid and having an adult actually want to listen to me. I'd get nervous and stammer about, repeated my words and struggling to get a complete thought out. All of a sudden, the spotlight was on me and I couldn't come up with any words. I can see the same for those kids until Jesus put His hand on their backs and whispered "It's OK, just tell Me what's on your heart. I want to hear what you have to say."

Imagine what that did to a kid's self image? I can feel courage welling up inside of these kids in the story.

Jesus and I have one thing in common. We never had kids. And when I was in my early 30's, the same age as Jesus when he was loving on those kids described in Mark 10, I had lots of friends having kids. I enjoyed being "Uncle Todd" to these children. I loved having them crawl all over me and enjoyed listening intently to their stories. I especially loved it when they'd fall asleep on my chest as I stroked their hair and rubbed their backs. The kids didn't remember it a week later but I sure did. Those are precious memories.

Growing up in the '60s and early '70s, I still remember a teacher's touch. Back when I was in school it was common to see a teacher hugging a kid who may have gotten struck by a stray kickball or disappointed about getting knocked out of the spelling bee over a really easy word. I remember teachers giving us hugs when we did something great and can still feel their steadying hand on my back as they stood to next to my desk as I struggled to understand multiplication and division.

Sadly, we don't have much of that these days. After the McMartin Daycare trial of the early '80s where they discovered workers molesting children and so many horrible reports of sexual abuse of children, touching fell out of favor.Teachers are careful to avoid physical contact of any type. I got married in '93 and inherited a pre-teen step daughter. Although we were extremely close, I felt inhibited in showing her much physical affection. I knew what was in my heart but that's not what mattered. How she perceived it was what counted. And I couldn't risk doing anything that might be taken as improper.

Sadly, sin got in the way. One end result is kids grow up starved for physical contact. It's easy to see how young people, starved for affection, get their desires met in unhealthy ways.

I remember when guys hugging was just unheard of in public. As I recall, John Denver seemed to start it all back in the early '70s. He'd come on the Johnny Carson Show and the silver haired host would extend his hand for a shake and the shaggy haired musician would give him a big bear hug instead. Back then, I was a young Christian and us "brothers in the Lord" would hug as a greeting. Not quite "greet your brethren with a holy kiss" stuff, but hearty hugs between guys as well as with the girls. Nowadays, it's fairly common to see guys hug. And I see that as a good thing. But, it's still just a momentary greeting.

One of my favorite memories with my grandmother was when she was in her 90's (she's 99 1/2 now) and was staying with my aunt and uncle in Benton. They went out to a Christmas party and left my grandmother and me piled up on their king size bed watching TV. Pauline and I sat there and talked more than watched. We held hands and just spent time together.

I love praying with friends. In most cases, we hold hands as we pray. It is common to hold hands as family and friends say grace over a meal. Even now, I'm sitting in my bed with my back propped up on a pile of pillows. My 15 year old dachshund is glued to my left hip. She likes physical contact. Me, too. There's something about touch. So, where do we strike a balance?

It seems to me sin has gotten in and messed things up. Too often, physical touch has a sexual overtone to it. It's either part of a planned conquest or part of some perverted molestation. Rarely just touch for the sake of sincere affection. But I still long for it.

So, what is the message I'm trying to get across? Not much, really. I just want to celebrate the healing power of touch and to encourage more of it. Not in order to "get" anything but rather to give, just as our Lord did.

"Law of Attraction" magazine at Wally World?

Hello, my name is Todd and I'm an addict. My drug of choice is magazines.

OK, there, I said it. I admit that I am hooked on magazines.I once added up eighteen different paid subscriptions plus a dozen or more freebie magazines coming to my door each month. Look inside my briefcase on a cross country flight and you will likely see a couple on home repair, another on diesel trucks, a Christian magazine or two and probably one on solar energy. Then in my suitcase you'll find the juicy ones on dirt bikes, airplanes, writing, municipal waste recycling, electroplating, safety and environmental stuff. Oh yeah... as my friends in Minnesota would say: them are good!

My attention span isn't usually long enough to read many books. Most of the time it seems like authors beat around the bush in order to crank out enough pages to separate their stuff as a book instead of a magazine article. That way they make more money and get to go on tour selling their books. Me? Give me a magazine any day. And, I'm proud to say I've written quite a few magazine articles through the years. It was neat to pull the latest issue of Dirt Rider off the shelf of a 7-11 and find my name printed in there. Of all the things I miss from living in Monroe, I think the mile long magazine rack at Books A Million tops the list.

So, cruising through Wal-Mart yesterday I ran past the magazine rack. Not the ones on the ends of the checkout lanes. I'm talking about the magazine and book section. They have the best magazine selection in El Dorado. The far end gets my attention: the automotive magazines. Sitting on the top shelf next to the latest issue of Diesel World, I spotted a cover I've never seen before. It was "Law of Attraction" magazine.

Huh?

Wasn't that the stuff Oprah was touting a few years ago? I picked up the magazine and read the cover articles. "Get Happy Now" was their main article. The cover had a circle, kind of like a button, with apparently the magazine's primary focus: "Happy, Wealthy, Healthy". Hey, who wouldn't want that? Being a magazine junkie, I picked up the magazine and looked for their website. This deserved more research back at the house.

"Law of Attraction" magazine has a really slick looking website. You can peruse all sorts of feature articles with titles such as:
     What is Your Body Telling You?
     Defeating the Odds
     Letting "Luck" In
     Ten Tips to Get What You Want... Fast
     Find Joy in Your Work

I also found other magazines and websites based on the whole "law of attraction" line of thought. This is right along the same lines as what Oprah spotlighted. She was talking about a book and movie titled “The Secret".

In a nutshell, this line of thought says that we create what we want to experience. Think it... and it appears. Want to get married? Think about the things that would make up your dream spouse. Want a better job? Visualize yourself being productive in the perfect working environment for you. Get the idea? Many would call this type stuff "metaphysical". That's a term I was raised with. Dad was always into stuff like that. It started with Edgar Cayce books. Then he found Silva Mind Control in the early '70s. When he ran away from home at the age of 42, he moved to Houston where he found Unity Church and eventually the "Course in Miracles". He gave away cases of that book set.

Dad was always going to what he called "Super Kook" meetings. "You know, in life you have kooks and then you have super kooks" he'd say. His metaphysical buddies were kooks in an entirely different category.

During the charismatic movement of the '70s through the '90s (and even now) I heard preachers shouting the same stuff Dad's friends were saying. There is a lot of cross-over. Jesus talked about sowing and reaping. I've heard preachers go on and on about how our faith heals us. What's the difference between that and what I read on the "Law of Attraction" website? Not much. Oh, the church folks will say theirs has Jesus' name attached to it. True. And for sure, there is power in His name.

Neither sits quite right with me.

What I find lacking in both is the Person of Jesus Christ. The metaphysical folks frequently consider themselves Christians and can quickly sprinkle a little Jesus on top of their core beliefs when asked to. The "faith movement" Christians are clearly more Christ-focused but even then, their messages seem more about "getting your miracle" and how God wants us to prosper.

Me? I consider myself "Cross-centric". It is all about what Jesus did on the Cross. I boil the Cross down to two things: eternal life and the offer of a relationship with God right now. Note that I said the offer. We come to Jesus and he offers to be our savior. That's eternal life. But is He our Lord? Are we in a personal relationship with Him? He not only offers it but longs for it!

Billy Graham's daughter, Anne Graham Lotz, wrote a book titled "Just Give Me Jesus". I think I bought it but never read it. To me, the title says it all.

One of my best friends is also a real prayer partner. We really enjoy getting together either in person or on the phone to pray. Within that context, we also share about what God seems to be teaching us along the way. A word that comes up in our conversations pretty frequently is "abide". We both seemed focused on "abiding in Him". And I think this is what I find lacking in the "Law of Attraction" stuff as well as some in the faith movement. They may have Jesus mentioned but is the focus on abiding in Him? Is the main thing about having a personal, one on one relationship with Jesus?

Well, it is for me.

What sounds better... nice ideas with a little Jesus sprinkled on top or an abiding relationship with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords where everything else just pours out. I like the story in the fourth chapter of John where Jesus is talking with the woman at the well. She wants water. You know... H2O to quench her physical thirst. But Jesus offers her "living water". A few pages later, in chapter 7, Jesus says: "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.’”

His words paint a picture of living water flowing naturally out of our lives. It starts with an intimate, personal relationship with Him and the rest is just gravity.

Are there nuggets of truth in the "Law of Attraction" magazines? Sure! Did Dad's "super kook" friends hit on some real stuff from time to time? Quite frankly, probably more than I see in the typical mainline denomination church service on Sunday morning. And while that's all fine and good, I find it lacking. It seems far short of what has been offered to us in a relationship with Jesus Christ. Like Anne Graham Lotz writes... just give me Jesus.

Here's something to chew on. When I abide in Him, my focus is rarely on me. Instead, it's on serving others. It's on feeding the hungry. It's on listening to someone who is hurting and then praying together. Oh, there is also focus on work, buying stuff and the same topics as the others talk about. But the focus is much less on me and a whole lot more on helping others; on being His hands and His feet in the world today. Before that though, my focus is on Him. The Lord's Prayer starts out with "Our Father, hallowed be thy Name..." That's talking about how great God is.

When I sit and ponder how great He is, it puts my stuff into perspective. My needs? No problem. I serve a big and powerful God. And what's even better... He knows me by name. The rest is just gravity.